lovepoemms

13 Things I Have Tried

I went in the shower to wash the scent of you off. I ended up sitting on the floor crying as I watched my blood go down the drain instead.

I flushed the roses you gave me down the toilet. Then I bought myself another bouquet to leave in the closet to die. They were dry and curled up like your lips used to when you laughed at my stupid jokes.

I don’t wear my seatbelt anymore because of how much it would piss you off. Sickly, I hope that if I ever die in a car crash, you realize this and wish you were there to remind me to.

I listened to some new bands since the old ones made me think of you too much, but somehow every song reminds me of us in different ways.

I went into the woods where we once made love and I threw up.

I burned the letters and notes that you gave me, but I ended up torturing myself afterwards trying to read your words through smudged ink and hot burnt ash.

I set my alarm clock as your favorite song so I’d begin to hate it as much I wish I could hate you.

I started slicing my hipbones because you once thought it was the sexiest part of my body.

I got my hair cut and changed my wardrobe a few times to try and destroy what you once called “beautiful.”

I took my bracelets off and started showing my scars as a reminder to never give so much to someone who didn’t give back.

I started smoking cigarettes again because I knew it reminded you of your father and you hated that smell. I would put them out on that picture of us my parents took this November.

I stopped taking my medication for awhile in hopes that it might make me see you in a different light. It just made me want to jump into your arms more than I want to jump out of windows.

I opened my veins in a desperate attempt to let you flow out of them. You still run through them every goddamn day.

13 Things I Have Tried (via cummingcourtesy)
lovepoemms

1. Chocolate is only a temporary fix.

2. A properly-fitting bra is not a luxury. It is a necessity.

3. Your happiness is your happiness and yours alone.

4. How to apply red lipstick.

5. How to wear the crap out of red lipstick.

6. A boyfriend does not validate your existence.

7. Eat the extra slice of pizza.

8. Wear what makes you feel gracefully at ease.

9. Love the world unconditionally.

10. Seek beauty in all things.

11. Buy your friends dinner when you can.

12. Wear sunscreen like it’s your second job.

13. Try with all your might to keep in contact with far-away friends.

14. Make the world feel at ease around you.

15. Walk with your head up.

16. Order a cheeseburger on the first date if you want to.

17. Never, ever bite your nails.

18. Swipe on some lipstick, put on your leather jacket, and sneak into a bar somewhere.

19. Learn from your mistakes that night.

20. Dental hygiene is not multiple choice.

21. Your GPA is not a confession of your character.

22. There is strength in breaking down.

23. You don’t have to like yoga.

24. Pick a tea.

25. Take care of your feet.

26. Pick a perfume.

27. Even if you’re tall, wear the heels anyway.

28. Classy is a relative term.

29. Drink whiskey if you like whiskey.

30. Drink wine if you like wine.

31. Like what you like.

32. Offer no explanation.

33. Advil and Gatorade.

34. You are no less of a woman when you’re in sweats and gym shoes than a woman in stilettos and a pencil skirt.

35. A woman is a woman is a woman.

36. Love your fellow woman with all your heart and soul.

37. Cry, uninhibited, with your friends.

38. Laugh until you can’t breathe with your friends.

39. Tell me everything.

40. Exercise to be strong and healthy. A beautiful soul needs a sturdy vessel.

41. There is no shame in hoping for love.

42. My cooking is the best cooking.

43. Do not take sex lightly.

44. I mean it.

45. Anna Karenina. I’d like it if you read it.

46. The world spins on the principle of inherent tragedy.

47. Do not be blind to it.

48. Men are effectively idiots until the age of 26.

49. Carbohydrates are not the enemy.

50. Involve yourself in an organized activity of your choosing.

51. Listen to classical music occasionally.

52. Take hot baths.

53. Do not use bath salts.

54. You are more than capable.

55. I promise.

56. Don’t smile if you don’t mean it.

57. Mean your anger. Mean your sadness. Mean your pain.

58. I am always, always listening.

59. Travel.

60. Get stuck in a foreign country with $4.67 in your account.

61. Make me furious.

62. Make me worry.

63. Come home smelly, tired, and with a good story.

64. Your story isn’t really yours.

65. You are a compilation of others’ stories.

66. Well-fitting and modest is ALWAYS sexier than too small and tight.

67. Who cares if glitter isn’t tasteful?

68. It’s too much eyeliner if you have to ask.

69. Learn to bake for when you’re sad and I’m not there.

70. Humility and subservience are not synonyms.

71. Wash your face twice per day.

72. Be gentle with your skin.

73. Science is really cool.

74. So is literature.

75. And history.

76. And math.

77. There is no substitute for fresh air.

78. Carry your weight.

79. Make up for it later if you can’t.

80. That salad is not better than pasta and it never will be.

81. You’re fooling no one.

82. Find at least three green vegetables you can tolerate.

83. A smoothie is not a meal.

84. Expect the best from everyone.

85. People will let you down.

86. Bask in the sun (wearing a sunhat and SPF 90).

87. There is a certain kind of man you need to avoid at all costs.

88. You’ll know it when you meet him.

89. What other people say is right doesn’t always feel right.

90. What feels right is where your happiness is.

91. Give thoughtful gifts.

92. Form an opinion.

93. Stick to it.

94. Exfoliation in moderation.

95. Argue with people when you need to.

96. If it’s worth fighting for, fight fiercely.

97. Don’t fight for acceptance.

98. You shouldn’t have to.

99. Take pictures, but not too many.

100. Follow your bliss at all costs. (I’m cutting you off at 22, though).

101. Chocolate ice cream, however, might just be a permanent fix.

lovepoemms
  1. If you like someone, wait.
  2. Give lots of compliments, even if you’re shy. Everyone else is too.
  3. Change. Get a haircut, try new perfume, get new sheets. Become better than you were before.
  4. Eat healthier. Learn to cook something fancy.
  5. Get up earlier and watch the sun come up.
  6. Wear soft clothes, take a bath, drink something warm.
  7. Meet someone new, even just a friend.
  8. Become closer with your friends and your family. Call your mother. Cry with your best friend. Tell everyone how much you appreciate them.
  9. Keep your room clean. Buy some candles. Let the natural light in.
  10. Make a list of reasons why you’ll be better off without them. Believe they are true, because they are.
  11. Listen to new music.
  12. Write everything you’re thinking and feeling. Write letters. Write happy letters, sad letters, and angry letters, even if you’re never going to send them.
  13. It’s okay to be sad, but not forever. Sadness is not as beautiful as music makes it seem. Lack of sleep makes your eyes droopy, not deep. Wake up every morning and tell yourself you’re going to have a good day.
  14. Go to the library. Don’t forget to look in the music section.
  15. Remove them from your life. Get rid of the things they gave you if they make you sad. They’re not worth it. You will never be happy if you continue to hold on to the things that make you sad.
  16. Make new memories.
  17. Try to find something to appreciate in everything you do or experience.
  18. Being alone is okay, you don’t have to surround yourself with people.
  19. Become your own best friend. Buy yourself coffee and drink it alone in a cafe. Take your time.
  20. Learn to love every bit of yourself.
How to feel better and become better by me (x)